If only you could understand that this is me still holding onto you, but you want me to let you go. If only you could feel that this is me loving you, but you force me to despise you. So here I am, at my last battle. Beat up myself to make me let you go, to forget you, to remove you from my life.

There’s no good in this battle, so bye.


Mungkin kau tidak pernah mengira bahwa melakukan beberapa kesalahan yang kau anggap tak kau sengaja bisa membuat hidup orang lain hancur. Mungkin kau tidak akan pernah mengerti bagaimana sakitnya. Lebih baik mungkin jika kau menarik pelatuk di depan kepalanya. Sungguh.


You should talk loud, voice out your heart so they can understand what you’re trying to say, but no right? You’ve done trying. Nothing’s changes, but you. Keep drowning in your misery alone. Keep digging, the hole in your heart till somehow you found a black hole. To escape, to disappear. To blame, no one but you.


Standing between you and the other side of me. Or not, maybe actually it’s between my super-ego and my id. I’m the ego – listening to the right and the left side, listening to the right and wrong, listening to the supposed and the freedom, listening to the theory and the practical, listening to the want and the need. I’m the ego, want to please every nerves of your body but need to free myself from you.

I’m the ego and I feel like grey. Not even black or white. Grey – perfectly caught in the middle.